My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
