They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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