you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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