SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
