The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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