Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
