so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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