Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You almost got us killed.
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