one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
