I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
