one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
