I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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