Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she told me i tasted like america
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
