Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
