Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
