You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
