We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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