the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
