i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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