When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That's how pantless uber rides happen
A+ Viking dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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