Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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