Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
