ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
