I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
