Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
