it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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