Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize