'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize