If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How does it feel to date your dad?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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