He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
