I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
