if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
