Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
