So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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