I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
