My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
