i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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