I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize