I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
