I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
