Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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