How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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