Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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