I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh god it's open bar.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
