before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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