Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
