the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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