Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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