You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
