Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize