i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
