i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
