in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
