it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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