Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
