you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize