Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
