I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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