you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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