sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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