Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
my liver is dry heaving
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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