i may or may not be watching the land before time
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
