sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's rum buckets o'clock
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
