Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
