i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
