I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
