i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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