You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Boobs speak an international language.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
