Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He shit in the fireplace
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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