you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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