i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
