This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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