Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
