Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
